SPOILER WARNING, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
I’m actually a fan of watching bad movies. My tolerance for corny is surprisingly high especially when it comes to romances. So when I called my sister up to ask her if I could take her out for her birthday I proposed that we see the next Fifty Shades installment. Now, going into this movie we were fully aware that it might be laughingly bad. That was honestly a part of the appeal. Little did we know, no amount of alcohol could make this movie even remotely watchable. I seriously thought to myself “Well, it can’t be worse than the first one right?”, wrong, so wrong.
Let me start at the beginning. We walked into the theater, stopping by the bar on the way in to grab some drinks before our movie. Kudos to whoever did this clever marketing though, it gave us a good laugh. Before you ask, no I did not have a Christian’s Perfect Long Island, I did have a Jameson and ginger ale though.
Little did I know that my sister had booked the movie in the UltraScreen auditorium. It boasts an “ultra screen and ultra sound experience” which means ultra large screen boobies and super loud breathy noises. I don’t know about anyone else but the breathing in this movie was distractedly loud. That was my first of many gripes.
I think it is worth it to mention that Jamie Dornan’s Christian Grey is approximately 20% hotter than the first movie. So that was a definite high point.
It came down to two major issues for me. The first being a lack of tension between the two main characters. One moment Ana was mad at Christian and the next they were banging. This happened probably 15 times. The characters lost credibility because of this and it didn’t allow for me to become invested in their romance. Maybe it was the booze but I just could NOT keep up with what was going on with them. This brings me to the next issue.
The quick cuts and pacing. I think the only reason I would re-watch this movie is to count the actual number of scenes in it. There were so many and some were 30 seconds long. One example of this was the moment when Christian was leaving on business trip. The explanation as to why he was leaving, the helicopter crash, and him returning, those scenes collectively didn’t even hit the 3 minute mark. It was crazy and not in a good way. This probably also contributed to the fact that the characters were not at all believable. The scenes jumped all over the place sporadically, not leaving you a moment to let the fact that Christian was abused for a good portion of his life or that there is a stalker girl/guy in the mix. There was no building, just random conflicts that did not play out well.
In the end I would give this movie a big fat F. I don’t really do that often but between the jumpy plot and unbelievable characters, this was a major flop.
Did you see Fifty Shades Darker? Tell me what you thought of it and why down below!